Location: MICHIGAN, United States

Thank you for stopping by. It's my hope you find glimpses of my Savior interwoven thru my writings. I am the wife to one husband for over 25 years, a blessed mama to a dozen children, yes each born from me ~ two of which see Jesus face to face & ten at home, all of us yearning to see Jesus someday. We have been home educating for over 18 years with . . . well, another 15 years to go (the youngest is 3, the oldest 23!) I have walked through rejection, to continually learning I am CALLED, LOVED and forever KEPT by God - never, ever to be rejected by Jesus! (Jude 1:1) I've walked through deep sorrow to find that joy does come again, though the night may be long; I've witnessed God orchestrating miracles with my children still beyond my comprehension, & I am seeing new love forming as we begin a new road of older children finding life mates. My life has and is a journey, from the deepest, almost rock bottom pit, to stumbling through my faith and looking towards the ultimate climax of everlasting life in heaven. Will you be joining me here and there? ~ Loni

Saturday, January 01, 2005

And so we start 2005 . . .

The day was much harder than we thought. We did our usual getting together last night with close friends, to welcome in the new year. Norm & I were pretty numb as the clock struck twelve. We observed others celebrating and having fun, which was fine, but it was hard to join the celebrations. We just held each other's hands tight.

We noticed last night as our children mingled with several close families that we know well - also that have large homeschooling families, that there was more of a keyed down tone. There was still lots of noise with 50+ people, but it was different. We noticed especially with our oldest son, Stephen (17 1/2) he was much quieter. We asked him several times if he was ok, even offering to leave early. Stephen has been the one who I think has tried to be the "man of the house" since Matthew's death, trying to hold us together, and keep us going. He was the first one to tell me with his arms around me, that he thought Matthew was gone, even before the ambulance arrived. So, I was watching this "strong" boy, who we have told numerous times to him, that it was ok to grieve, and he'd tell us he's hurting inside, but the tears don't come.

Today, they came. Norm & I are hurting so much, but to see our children hurt just make the pain to almost the unbearable point. Stephen just wept, and his whole body shook. He said he has missed Matthew from the beginning, and hurt, but now just sees all the differences with him gone, and the pain is really actually hurting his body. He said even though they were so different, they could talk well, tease well, and just misses his buddy. All of life will be different with him gone. God knew this from the very beginning, but we never anticipated this, and so many dreams seem shattered along with our hearts. I am thankful to see that Stephen was able to share, show the tears, and yet, oh, how I wish I could take the pain away from my living children.

And as I type this, I am listening to my favorite CD, New Mercy, by Karey & Kelly Nickel. One of their songs was just on, "He Doeth All Things Well". I will end with the words to this song. The music is beautiful and hope that if someone needs this, will encourage them to visit the site above to purchase it. This CD is played numerous times throughout the day in our home (has for quite a few years).

I know it's for my good,
still it's not understood,
why God would lead me here,
drowning in tears, broken and alone.
Yet I hear the Savior's voice,
the gentle healing voice,
I know, reminding me that He,
is always close to me and gives me strength to say,

I know He doeth all things well.
He doeth all things, well.
When you can't see love through the pain,
and your heart says God's to blame,
friend remember,
He doeth all things well.

So, when you have cried all you can cry,
still you found no reason why, my friend,
this is what I found,
grace always abounds,
grace will see you through.
For He comforts those who weep,
gives mercy to the weak.
I know, for I've questions too,
felt the same as you and will stand and say,
I know He doesth things well.
He doeth all things well.
When you can't see love through the pain.
And your heart seems to say God is to blame
Friend remember, He doeth all things well.
When you just can't see love through the pain,
and your heart says God is to blame,
just remember, He doeth all things well.
Just remember, He doeth all things well.
Words from New Mercy CD
by Karey & Kelly Nichel
Song titled, "He Doeth All Things Well"


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Loni, Norm & Children,
Loni, it is me Teena. I just found the blog from Matthew's memorial page. I read the whole thing. I thank you for the update and have been wondering/praying/worrying about all of you. Please, please know I am praying for you. My heart hurts with you. You are so very strong and amazing... the strength you have in our Savior. Thank you for sharing from your heart. I can not imagine your pain... but I hurt... and you are on my heart. I will keep in touch.
May God continue to pour out HIS grace daily, moment by moment. I love the words to the song....
In HIS love,
Teena wife to Billy 24 yrs
mom to 1/2 dozen

1/03/2005 1:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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3/17/2007 9:57 AM  

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