Location: MICHIGAN, United States

Thank you for stopping by. It's my hope you find glimpses of my Savior interwoven thru my writings. I am the wife to one husband for over 25 years, a blessed mama to a dozen children, yes each born from me ~ two of which see Jesus face to face & ten at home, all of us yearning to see Jesus someday. We have been home educating for over 18 years with . . . well, another 15 years to go (the youngest is 3, the oldest 23!) I have walked through rejection, to continually learning I am CALLED, LOVED and forever KEPT by God - never, ever to be rejected by Jesus! (Jude 1:1) I've walked through deep sorrow to find that joy does come again, though the night may be long; I've witnessed God orchestrating miracles with my children still beyond my comprehension, & I am seeing new love forming as we begin a new road of older children finding life mates. My life has and is a journey, from the deepest, almost rock bottom pit, to stumbling through my faith and looking towards the ultimate climax of everlasting life in heaven. Will you be joining me here and there? ~ Loni

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Rough Week

It's been a very long, rough week. I think I barely clicked the button last Sunday evening to publish my post for that night for the blog, and it was like Satan was reading this, saying "oh, things are getting better - huh? . . .well take this, and now say it's better" and wham - seconds later, we are on another emotional roller coaster that sent the whole family spinning. For the sake of our family and details, I just ask that you continue to pray for all of us. I personally have been very up and down, not handling stress and looking for escapes - yes, even here on the computer or with "crafts" and have recommitted to really working on spending more time with the kids, and making new memories with them. Trying to continue with some "traditional" things at this time, we all find hard at different times and ways. We all struggle with memories in the house, and at times still wish we could pick up and move, but really cannot do that, nor would we find a "deal" like we did with this house with acreage and being in the country yet, close to the city. If God wants us to move, or do something drastic, we know the door will be wide open to that, and right now it is not. We are not looking for that either.

Pray for Norm & I. We've had some horrible rough days with each other - and yet, love each other dearly, but sometimes . . . if you are married, you understand. We find it even more work, even after 20 years of marriage, than ever, we are having to work so hard with understanding each other, giving space, trusting, and most of all forgiving over and over. Bitterness and anger is easily creeping in, and whoa, when it does, it sure has an ugly result. Statistics show, after the loss of a child, 75% of marriages end in divorce. This CAN'T happen, but at times, it sure does seem like it would be easy to walk away from everything. We have some good friends that have really stepped into our lives, holding us accountable, and saying things we don't want to hear, but need to. It's not been easy, and I really don't even look forward at this time of healing. It's not easy. I'd like to cross over the line, with one jump and know everything is ok. Norm said the other day, with tears in his eyes . . . some things we can't fix (Matthew's death) . . . other things we CAN fix . . .(our marriage, our family, our relationships).
Yesterday and today were pretty good. I took the girls all to a park for a couple of hours last night, and they loved it. I think it was the first time Bethany could remember going to a park. She just ran all around like the Energizer bunny - never quiting. It's neat that even my almost 14 year old twin girls are not too big to go to a park and have fun. :)
Today Norm and I took all the girls, and Benjamin, to an "old-fashioned days" type display at a college, going through an old church, schoolhouse, watching spinning, milking a cow, etc. They all seemed to have fun. New memories.


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