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Location: MICHIGAN, United States

Thank you for stopping by. It's my hope you find glimpses of my Savior interwoven thru my writings. I am the wife to one husband for over 25 years, a blessed mama to a dozen children, yes each born from me ~ two of which see Jesus face to face & ten at home, all of us yearning to see Jesus someday. We have been home educating for over 18 years with . . . well, another 15 years to go (the youngest is 3, the oldest 23!) I have walked through rejection, to continually learning I am CALLED, LOVED and forever KEPT by God - never, ever to be rejected by Jesus! (Jude 1:1) I've walked through deep sorrow to find that joy does come again, though the night may be long; I've witnessed God orchestrating miracles with my children still beyond my comprehension, & I am seeing new love forming as we begin a new road of older children finding life mates. My life has and is a journey, from the deepest, almost rock bottom pit, to stumbling through my faith and looking towards the ultimate climax of everlasting life in heaven. Will you be joining me here and there? ~ Loni

Friday, March 24, 2006

Manwich

I bought Manwich tonight. I haven't bought Manwich in years - at least 4 or 5 years. We had "Me-Ma Joes" instead. Matthew hated Manwich Sloppy Joes. So, he made up his own recipe and would often make it. His big brother called him "Me-Ma" when he was little - thus, the name "Me-Ma Joes". We still have been making "Me-Ma Joes". But I saw the Manwhich tonight. I used to love Manwich sandwiches. Most of the kids didn't even know what this was. It almost seemed like I was doing something bad buying this. Like, NOW we can eat this - before we couldn't. We are doing better, but somethings like this sure strike us. Norm said again tonight, when will we go a day when something doesn't hit us.

Last night Norm played our piano. He hasn't played it much since Matthew died. I don't think he realized it. But he just sat down, and began to play. Melody (5) came to me just sobbing. She said it reminded her of the funeral home music. (At the time, Norm was playing "Give Thanks, With a Joyful Heart" - so it wasn't funeral music). Her little heart was breaking. She still misses her big brother so much. She asked some of the same questions she has before: "Why did he do that mommy? . . . Do you think he misses us too? . . . I remember how tall he was. Do you think he's grown more?" We talked some about Matthew . . . and again and again, she tries to understand "that day". Though she did not see him, she knows what happened, and she just cannot understand why. "Why would he do something that dumb?". We've asked the same question, maybe everyday. So, we were talking about this, and I told Melody that she has to also forgive Matthew. I asked her if she ever had done that. She was quite thoughtful, and then said no. This morning she came to me and told me she prayed to Jesus and asked Him to forgive her and that she forgave Matthew. I thought that was real neat - that we did not have to remind her, and she did it on her own. That seemed so good for a little one of her age (and it was) BUT, then she said as she was praying she asked Jesus to let Matthew come back here just for a short time so we can talk to him. She asked me, "Do you think He will let him?" Oh, my heart. I see her hurting heart, just wanting to see Matthew one more time. I tried to tell her how busy Matthew is in heaven and maybe He is helping Jesus to get the mansions ready and when we get there, Matthew will have so much to show us. Melody then says "But I don't know if I can wait that long." I told her how Matthew has a job to do in heaven, but we have jobs to do here on earth and we have to finish our work first for Jesus here. She seemed content with that. For now. We shall see what she or one of the others comes up with later.

So, we continue . . . better, but as Norm said tonight, there's always something that brings the sting of death, and the bittersweet memories, and lingering tears. This is another reason, we continue to share about the "choking game". We don't want other families to go through what we have or have siblings so hurt and not understanding. This week alone I've had 3 or 4 write to me that have just asked their children about it, including a mom who lives in Bermuda, and these kids knew about the "choking game." Just as we wish we would have known before it was too late, be informed, share, talk to your kids.

Tomorrow for lunch it's Manwich sandwiches . . . after the kid's AWANA boat races. They have had fun these last several weeks making boats and being inventive. The older ones made boats for the younger ones. We've had the bathtub filled up numerous times to "try" their boats! Pictures later!

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