Another survival day . . .

Some days just feel like survival days. Just working our way through to make it. It was one of those days today - from the moment we got up, to the end of the day. It was hard getting out of bed - knowing it's another day to face without Matthew, the painful memories, and the children who are so broken. Some days seem like almost concentrating to take the next breath to do the next thing.

I talked to another mom today who went through a similiar experience as Matthew, just a few months before Matthew. It's so heartbreaking. This affixation for the high adrenalin rush is a real thing many kids are playing around with. It's scary how many kids are "playing with death" to see how close they can come without dying.

We went today to the place Matthew use to work at. He only worked there about 4 months, but loved it. I was going in with a couple of my girls, and asked them if they'd be okay going in and they seemed to think they would. It was me that fell apart instead. Ohhhhh, it was so hard. I wanted to go up to the counter and see my tall son with a big grin when he caught my eye, asking me if we brought him a cappuccino. I wanted to sneek around a corner and find him stocking a shelf. It was very heart wrenching. The owners, an older Christian couple, were there, and were very compassionate and miss Matthew terribly too. It was neat to hear the man say how Matthew taught him to have more of an outward, verbal testimony. But oh, how our hearts just get ripped again - and again.

So, it was one of those days today, of surviving. By God's grace, we got through it, a moment at a time. Thank you for your much needed continued prayers.

~~Loni