Our children . . .

We have had so many e-mails asking how our children are doing, so we thought this would help you get to know them a little better.

We will start with those standing . . .

Stephen (17 1/2) - I spoke a little about him in another post. He's been holding together well, but the reality of Matthew gone is really hitting him, and he sees the change in our home. He is in 12th grade - for two years, as he is taking an automotive course as a highschool student, which he loves. He has been homeschooled through all the years, except now for taking this automotive class. He is doing real well. We have noticed him making the extra efforts to take more time with his siblings - playing games or just being with him.

Katie Rose (3 1/2) being held by Stephen. She is doing very well. The simple faith of a child. She will say every so often, she misses Matthew, but then says, but Matthew is ok - he is in heaven.

Matthew Norman - May 28, 1988 - December 11, 2004. How thankful we are for this recent picture. He loved holding Bethany and she was usually the first one he would seek out each morning or when he came home from work.

Bethany Faith - (19 months old) - The saddest part to me is Bethany will not remember Matthew and the way he adored her. We will for certain show her pictures and keep his memory alive in her that way, but she will not remember so much. And, her heart is so protected too, which is a blessing.

Benjamin - (11 yrs) - He is a very sweet, tender child. Shortly after this all happened with Matthew, he told me how thankful it was him that found Matthew, and not me or one of the girls. He is so sensitive. The pain is quite real in his heart. He cries often - his heart is breaking with missing Matthew. He will talk often though about the good times. He did so much in recent years with Matthew - everything from golfing, to fishing, to lots of UNO and Monopoly games.

Heidi - (13 yrs - twin) - Though she hurts, and will cry, she is the one who lifts my heart often as she sings around the house or puts music on. Heidi loves music and knows what will uplift our hearts. The tears still come with her, but she seems to keep herself very occuppied with the little ones or making some special snacks. She walks around often with Matthew's cap on that he got from our Make-A-Wish trip several years ago.

Heather (13 yrs - twin) - She was probably the closest girl to Matthew. They were a lot a like in many ways, and teased each other often too. She told me she misses Matthew's tugs on her pony tails. She is the one who seems to wants to hold on to more of his things - including wearing his winter coat. Matthew had the state quarter collection and she wants to continue that, and will have it out often looking at it. Heather is one to keep little things of special meaning, as Matthew was and are similiar with their sensitivities.

Jessica Joy (8 years old) - Jessica has been quite heart broken over Matthew's death and often will sob uncontrollably. She has slept several nights in our bed. She has had a hard time sleeping and will question so much why this all had to happen. Matthew had a special sensitivity towards Jessica after we went through two open heart surgeries with her and he spent many hours in the hospital by he bedside, reading to her and playing with her. I wrote this before, but we found a note in one of his notebooks with a big red heart and above it said "I love Jessica". We made a copy of it for her, and it's on her wall by her bed.

Jayson (15) is probably the one struggling the most with the actual events of Matthew's death. He is dealing with missing Matthew - even at times acts bored because "there is nothing to do." He is angry at the foolish thing Matthew did. He was the one who got Matthew down and has horrible visions of that in his mind. He wants nothing to do with going downstairs and even last night begged us to move. We are continually trying to get him to talk, and thankfully, he does open up. Our specific prayer request for him is that he does not become angry and bitter. We talked long last night about praying that God will give us a forgiving heart of what Matthew did. It will take him especially, awhile to get there. Pray that God will just ease those visions, and he will remember the many wonderful years of memories of him, rather than the few minutes of horrible ones. My heart aches so much for Jayson.

Melody Grace - (5) is the other child with the child-like faith, and talks about Matthew in heaven. She misses Matthew, but is not so broken like many of the rest. Thankfully she does not comprehend Matthew's death and did not see anything, but probably in time will understand more, and may question more. But she has a care-free spirit, loves to flutter around the house, and is usually singing or coloring. Another protected heart, which I am so thankful for.

Today we are working more on the bathroom - slowly as we can. We do what we can, as we can, taking breaks, talking with the kids, and trying to keep things moving. Stephen started his class back up today. Tomorrow Norm goes back to work since the holidays. We begin to sort out a new "normal."

~~Loni