Matthew's Journal Found

With our moving bedrooms around, it's made us do a lot of cleaning, getting rid of things, and going through LOTS of things. I've been working on our schoolroom/family room where we have most of our schoolbooks, enclopedias, and old and fiction books. I went through a pile of workbooks, and "finally" found Matthew's journal. I and the girls had been looking for it, and just never came across it. For school when the children first start writing sentences, I try to get them to write. I found the one Matthew mainly wrote in during early 1999 to early 2002. We were into the "Y2K Preparedness" (which we are thankful for, as it helped so much when Norm was laid off), but Matthew wrote a lot about things we were doing. He talks often about Jessica, trading baseball cards with friends (which I had forgotten all about), books he read, when the two older boys got a Red Ryder BB Gun, going to homeschool band, planting the garden, looking forward to his birthday, going hunting, building forts, mom being in a bad mood :'( , about the venture of catching a mouse, piano lessons, video games and his high scores, about me going to have a baby and looking forward to it - he wrote on 12-6-99 " My mom had a baby. Her name is Melody Grace. I held her first of us kids. When you hold her and put your findger in the palm of her hand she holds your finger well." He loved babies.

Another funny thing he wrote on 1-21-00 was "Life is great. Mom has not correct our school in 2 months". Now I doubt that - but I could have been a little behind! :) It was interesting to see his language develop, and going from printing to cursive handwriting. He talked too about farm chores (small hobby farm we have) and cleaning the goat barn and earning money. He talked about Jessica often - and one of them being what he got her for her birthday on 9-12-00 - "Today is Jessica's birthday. I got her the Tiger Movie. She likes it a lot. She even gave me a hug." ohhhh.... it hits the heart.

But the best and most touching entry he wrote was about our trip to Disney world in January of 2000. We went to Disney through Make-A-Wish, because of our daughter, Jessica's serious heart complications. Here in the backs of our minds, going on this trip was because of Jessica's heart problems, and not knowing how long she will be on loan to us, and now the memories we have are so precious of the whole family, and with Matthew there. Matthew LOVED going. He talked often of saving and going again. (you can read about our Make-A-Wish Trip here.) But his journal entry below here will share a little more.

"We went to Disney World. Well first we went in a limo to the airport; from the airport we flew to Tennessee, from there to Orlando. At Give Kids the World [resort area in Orlando for children with serious illnesses]. We could eat all the ice cream we wanted and hotdogs. There was also a pool. My favorite of all the parks was Disney's Epcot. We went on a ride called Test Track. Stephen [oldest brother] is afraid of heights so he did not go on but my six year old brother did. Also my twin nine year old sisters were not afraid and even eleven year old Jayson was not afraid. Me and Jayson & Heidi & Heather & Benjamin all went on a rollar coaster called Quazy. It's scary at the beginning because it looked as if you would crash in to another roller coaster. It was sincerely the best time I ever had with my family."

Thank you Make-A-Wish of Michigan.

You helped us make precious memories for more reasons than we ever imagined.

So, we think of the "puzzle pieces" of our lives that God has allowed. Though we wish Jessica never had to go through the open heart surgeries nor do we look forward to the future ones, God allowed some special memories to be made and sensitivities brought out in our children because of her. Matthew adored her. We would never have been able to go to Disney as a family (and specifically, flying or taking "two limos" to the airport!) Jessica's specific wish was to "see Mickey Mouse, give him a hug, and take a walk with him, which you can see on her MAW webpage. But MAW has also given us tickets that different organizations have donated, and we went as a family to the Henry Ford Museum and Greenfield Village which are connected parks in Detroit. We have gotten tickets to Whitecaps Baseball Games and recently (after Matthew's death) went to a Griffin's Hockey game. Last fall Jessica enjoyed a "reunion" and the Grand Rapid's Children's Museum with Mickey Mouse and Make-A-Wish was so nice to us and even took some extra family pictures. Though Matthew & Stephen did not go that day, I remember staying in close touch with them that day, as they went out with friends and then helped our neigbors with hay. The precious family memories that we have - and know are so important to keep building.

I came across more pictures of Matthew, which I am so thankful for. Just I wish I could just reached into those pictures and give him a hug.

Lots of precious memories to be thankful for - even if there are tears.

~~Loni