Another first. It actually was a fairly calm peaceful day. I am so thankful for my husband who knew well ahead of time that emotionally it would be difficult, and so we decided to not go to church, stay home, and just enjoy the children, spend time with them. Mother's Day has always been somewhat a difficult day for me, with not having a relationship with my mom, then her death last year, our baby Angela's death, and now Matthew's. On Mother's Day, I see where I've lacked, where my mom lacked and the desires of wanting that "Titus Two" type mom. So, though this was different, again, this year, we've learned to just make it a calmer day. And overall, it was a good day. The kids brought me breakfast in bed (FRUIT LOOPS!!), brought me presents, including a homemade bird feeder, a special cookbook, lots of homemade cards, and just lots of hugs and attention. The kids keep asking me to take a walk with them in the woods, so I did that today, and took my digital camera along, and got some precious pictures. Even one of the girls said, "we made good memories." Yes, we did. We watched a movie late afternoon, had pizza tonight and Norm & I took a quick ride to the cemetery and watered the newly planted grass seed. It hit for some moments, just never imagining last Mother's Day, where we'd be today. Matthew was the sentimental type, and wonder what he would have picked out for me. And the tears flowed, and we ache as we miss him so, so much, but went home to the warmth and blessings of the nine who still need us and God has given us such a responsibility for them. Here's a couple of pictures from today of all the children.
Last night before Norm & I were going to bed, he shared with me too, how we have to make sure the children know that they are just important as Matthew, and that though my heart hurts, how important they each are. I will end with this note I wrote to them and put it on the kitchen counter for them to read in the morning. I think it helped to know they could be more light hearted, and not have to fear my being a basket case. And, thank you for the many nice notes of encouragement and prayers for us. God's peace was certainly with us in a extra special way today.
Good Morning Kids!
I just want to let you all know I love you very much, and I am a very blessed mom to have each of you. Though I am sad that Matthew is not here and you may see tears today, know that is just a little part of my heart, and that all of you fill the rest of my heart. I need each of you and love you all so much.
We will have a good day. We may stay home, and just enjoy being with each other – watch movies, eat ice cream, make jewelry together, whatever. If any of you want to go to church in the morning, yes, you may, but do talk to dad and I before you go. I just don’t want to embarrass any of you by crying or falling apart at church. I hope you understand.
Remember, I’ve told you when I was a little girl, I always wanted a big family, and I am very, very happy and blessed to have you.
I LOVE YOU Stephen, Jayson, Heather, Heidi, Benjamin, Jessica, Melody, Katie & Bethany.
Love, Mom
8 Comments:
Hi Loni,
Thank you for sharing your heart with us. I really had you in my prayers today. I know for me it was a difficult day, as Luke was sick all night and began the day with a high temperature and heart rate. I kept thinking to myself that this really isn't a "Happy Mother's Day" but as the day progressed it got better. Daniel came home to spend the day at home with us before leaving tomorrow for Scotland. Luke was touched by God and started feeling better and began to tolerate his feedings again and finally feel asleep around 6:00 p.m. and has been sleeping since.
I know how difficult it is to make the children realize that though they are not that special one that we miss so desperately they are still so important to our lives. Thank you for sharing the note that you gave them. You truly are a special mom and I pray that God will continue to bless you and your family with new and joyful memories. Also loved seeing the pictures of the children, you have beautiful children.
Your family is special to me and I will continue to pray for you as the Lord lays you all on my heart. Just a few questions: Did Norm find a job? How is homeschooling going? Is Jessica staying healthy? How is the remodeling project coming along?
May God bless you and keep you and make His face shine upon you today.
Love in Christ,
Sue
Hi Loni,
I am new to W@H and just was browsing thru and clicked on your site...as a mother of 2, and soon to be Oma...words fail me, I feel your pain and yet sense the strength God has given, as you have sought to walk with Him.
How thoughtful, kind and loving to remember your other children with the note you left them, reassuring them that they each have their own special place within your heart - what grace in action, in the midst of grief any heart would understand you feeling and experiencing. Your movement towards them is about finding a way in the midst of all that there is to deal with & feel, cuz THAT is what love does & is!
It is good to see it, thank you for sharing it...
Loni, you're such a good mother. That note to your kids--precious and priceless.
I had a nice visit with my mom over at my oldest brother's house last night. Nothing big, just sitting around. Then my brother showed a video presentation he'd composed for his church (he's chairman of the deacons at the church we all grew up in, though I now attend another church closer to where I live on the other side of town). It was just photos of church members who had passed away, with a nice musical soundtrack underneath. And at the very end, was a picture of my father, who died in 1998 from Parkinson's Disease. I had difficulty not crying on the spot. But afterward, my mom made a statement that opened my eyes. She said that she'd had a very tough time returning to that church after dad's death; he was, to put bluntly, an institution at that church. He led or served with the RAs (the Southern Baptist equivalent to Boy Scouts), Brotherhood (men's ministry), deacons (had been chairman), and was the treasurer or assistant treasurer for most of my life at that church. I had never thought of how his death might have affected my mom's desire or willingness to go back there regularly--I guess it was very painful for her to roam the building where dad spent so much of his time.
Again, thank's so very much for sharing.
SUCH sweeeeet pictures!!!!!!!!
Loni, What a beautiful Mother's day you had. I am praising God with you for the amazing children you have loving you on this earth and for the memories you have of your other children resting in Jesus' arms. They are beautiful, btw!!! The picture of the girls is precious. God is good to you. You are an inspiration to me.
Dear Loni, this is late but thank you for sharing~ I love the pictures and so appreciate you sharing~ you are a very very special mama.
praying~
Teena mom to 1/2 dozen
Cool blog, interesting information... Keep it UP » »
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