Thoughts of today...

May 28, 1988 I was blessed with another little boy. It was labor day weekend and there were not many on staff, and Norm almost deliverered the baby. A nurse kept telling me "don't push" - RIGHT! But he finally arrived, and perfect in every way. His older brother who was just 13 months older, called him Me-Ma, as he could not say Matthew. So, he was nick named Me-Ma throughout the years. As with our previous son, we gave him over to the Lord at an early age. Little did we know . . .

I am up early this morning. Sleep did not come much last night. I thought I was handling things well, but as morning approaches, and this anticipation of another finalness, and doing something we never imagined for Matthew's birthday, my heart saddens so much. I also see a new sadness in Norm, just in the pictures I took of him with Katie for his birthday. I feel like the light went out in him, and though he was interacting a lot with her, and trying to make her happy, I could see the joy was not there. I did not notice it until I looked back at pictures. It breaks my heart seeing my husband hurt so much too. Last night as we were trying to go to sleep, he talked a little, and again, has the regrets he did not get closer to Matthew, or talk more to him. We did not know about the game he played, so how would we have warned him? But, I think Norm feels like he failed him - we probably both feel that way at times.

It's a beautiful Michigan morning, but the gray cloud hangs over us. If you read this this morning, please pray for us - for strength, and to remember the joy Matthew did bring, and the testimony that can still go on. Pray for the children. It's so hard to see them cry and hurt. We are thankful for family & close friends who will be with us.