12 Weeks

Today was one of those up and down days, and actually we thought it was going to be more of an up day, but kind of ended sad, which is somewhat to be expected. Norm and I did hear the song "I'll Take You Back" that we shared with you in a previous post, close to 11 am when Matthew died, 12 weeks ago today. We both realized it at the same time.

We were real excited for our oldest son, Stephen, who is taking an automotive course, and took a State Certification Test for Brakes shortly after Matthew's death (but before his truck accident) and he PASSED with a high score. He had been told many ususally have to take it several times before they pass it! He will be 18 in April, so it's pretty neat that he has one passed already (out of I think 8 different certifications he can try for). He's a quiet kid with something like this, but I want to brag on him! :)

We have had some sickies here. It almost like an immediate bronchitis that hits real fast. It's virul, so antibiotics won't work - unless we get a respitory infection from it. Melody (5) started out the beginning of last week, and is still coughing a lot - almost to the point of getting sick. I came down with it Thursday - fever, chills, bad cough, etc., and spent all of Friday in bed. I cannot remember the last time I was this sick - so I guess that is good! Bethany came down with it Friday-with running a temp. Tonight it has hit Katie (3.5) and Heidi (13). So, it's going around for sure, and seems to take a while to get rid of.

Norm had a "boys afternoon out" and took them to a gun/hunting expo. The boys were thrilled and really liked it, but later Benjamin told us with tears in his eyes, how much Matthew would have loved it, because there were also coins there, and he collected coins. They did not buy any food while they were out but had Matthew gone he would have insisted on it! Norm and I were talking later tonight how we thought the children are "making it" and doing well, considering all they have gone through.

Then before Jessica (8) had to go to bed, she really fell apart, and shared many memories she has of Matthew, and then the deep pain she has of missing him. She shared everything from her birthday memories, to Disney memories, to the last Thanksgiving. She said how Matthew and Stephen were the only ones who would not tease her about missing her front teeth. She misses the "staring competions" they'd have at the table - even though sometimes it really annoyed Jessica. She told us how a man at church had picked her up and held her before her September birthday, and she told him how her older brothers do not do that anymore, and so he told the boys they HAD to do it for her birthday, and Matthew remembered, and he held her the longest. But where she really broke down was with the things Matthew won't see - like how her front teeth are totally in now, and he won't see her grow up, and how the little ones won't remember Matthew. She just sobbed. She told of a dream she had recently where Matthew came to their door and said that someone was here to visit, and she was excited to see HIM, and got up and ran to the door, but Matthew was gone. She questioned that "horrible day". She said too "it's not fair that Matthew did something dumb, and is in heaven with no pain, and we are so sad here." She said it like we have thought too. It's extra hard seeing our children go through these heartaches.

Since some have e-mailed asking, Norm did not get any responses since his two recent interviews. We are sending more resumes out, and seeing how God will direct at this time. We are thankful for how God has provided - even selling some of our "Y2K resources" - we didn't need them for Y2K - but are thankful we can use them now and/or sell some things!

So it's just taking one day at a time, going through it, and thankful we have the Lord. As a close friend use to say (who is also now in heaven) God is good all the time. All the time God is good.

~~Loni