Our Thanksgiving

We decided to have "our" Thanksgiving today, as we needed some changes from last year, knowing we cannot repeat last year, and have it the same. We have been invited to spend Thanksgiving day with some friends of ours, which helps so much to have a different day. Today our church was having their big church family dinner, and even that seemed difficult for our family to attend. Each family stands up after dinner and shares about their year, and things they are thankful for. We have SO much to be thankful for, yet, the tears for both Norm & I would be too close. Norm was the first to say, he just could not do that this year. So we opted out, and decided to have a special dinner at home.

We did not even have the traditional turkey. We had duck, which was a first for me in preparing and a first for all the children to eat. It turned out very well - it's somewhat like chicken, but was sweeter and all dark meat. I'd make it again (if it weren't so expensive) so we may add some ducks to our "farm" in the spring with the chickens. We had sweet potatoes, squash, jello, and homemade wheat bread. I didn't make a lot - nothing real fancy, but it was special. We even got nice "Thanksgiving" themed paperplates to make it easy on all of us. :)

But I think some of this of course, triggered memories from last year. One of our children broke down tonight, just missing Matthew so much. Norm & I are so careful to talk alone when we are hurting, so that the children's emotions are their own, and not passed along. But she was just remembering so much, still questions of why, sad that Bethany won't remember Matthew, etc. To see our children's heart still hurt so much even though ours do too, adds to the intensity. Another one of our children broke down last week, and said how the nights are still difficult, and he often cries himself to sleep or wakes up and cries. He misses the "fun times" at night when he'd talk with Matthew, and play games, or discuss books Matthew had read or talk about the Oddessy tapes they listen too. He just has a loneliness yet for Matthew. For my husband and I, it tears at our hearts to not be able to "fix" their broken hearts.

Norm has started working again downstairs on our bedroom that use to be the boys' room. I think he needed time away from it, and the other many distractions through the summer which I am sure helped. It still has a LONG ways to go.

We had a good day, and will get through each day, one at a time. I have much to be thankful for, despite all that has happened. I am a blessed mom.