Year's End - Mornings Joy

The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light:

they that dwell in the land of the shadow of death,

upon them hath the light shined.

Isaiah 9:2

2005 was a very difficult year. We certainly did walk through a very dark shadow. I never knew such pain and void could be in our lives, or the pain I'd see through my children. I never knew everywhere I looked, there would be reminders. I never saw how much my children look alike, until this past year, when I'd see glimpses of Matthew in gestures, side facial glances, posture, or even in their voices. I never saw such grief, pain and weariness in my husband. I understand why 75% of marriages don't make it after the death of a child, and am thankful though it was the hardest year of our marriage, by God's grace, and strong servants of His, standing with us, we made it. (But don't stop praying either.)

Yea, though I walk through the valley

of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil: for thou art with me;

thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Psalm 23:4

And though it was a year of such pain, I know He never left us, and He was continually carrying us along, even when we doubted and questioned - even when we wondered why and how and wanted to run away from it all. There were so many times, things happened at the right time, a phone call, a song on the radio, a card or note in the mail.

Though sometimes the pain comes rushing back, almost as the initial shock, and we still grieve over the loss of Matthew and broken dreams and understand more, that "His ways are not our ways" we know it's ok too, that we do miss him, and we won't forget him.

Can a woman forget her nursing child

And have no compassion on the son of her womb?

Even these may forget, but I will not forget you.

Behold I have inscribed you on the palm of My hands.

Isaiah 49.14-16

"Those we love are with the Lord,
and the Lord has promised to be with us.
If they are with Him,
and He is with us,
they cannot be faraway."
Peter Marshall

We won't forget. We know there is a reason God allowed us to go through this, and sometimes it even seemed we were going through it alone. But our race here on earth is not done. We once again have had many opportunities to share Jesus, to share about the dangerous choking game, and to encourage someone else who may seem alone or going through a hard time. Matthew had a passion for souls. I've shared before how the summer before he died, when my husband and I were out, on his own, he went to the neighbors with his Bible to make sure Mr. Mike knew the Lord. Little did Mr. Mike know how many times Matthew prayed with tears in his eyes or heart, concerned about his soul - and a few months later, Mr. Mike sat at our church at Matthew's memorial service. Sometimes, I wonder if Matthew is cheering us on from heaven.

Therefore since we also are surrounded

with so great a cloud of witnesses,

let us lay aside every weight and

the sin which so easily besets us,

and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,

looking to Jesus the Author and Finisher of our faith,

who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross,

despising the shame,

and sat down at the right of the throne of God.

For consider Him who endured such contradiction

of sinners against Himself,

lest you be weary and faint in your minds.

You have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin.

Hebrews 12:1-4

Yes, it's been a long night, but we see the tip of the sunrise for a new morning.

This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope.

The LORD'S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,

For His compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

Great is Your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:21-23

Weeping may endure for a night,

but joy cometh in the morning.

Psalm 30:5

So we do not look at what we can see at this moment,
the troubles all around us,
but we look forward to the joys in heaven

which we have not yet seen.
The troubles will soon be over,

but the joys to come will last forever.
For we know that when this tent we live in now

is taken down
- when we die and leave these bodies -
we will have wonderful new bodies in heaven,
homes that will be ours for evermore,
made for us by God himself, and not by human hands.
2 Corinthians 4.18 - 5.1

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time,

are not worthy to be compared with the glory

that is to be revealed in us.

Romans 8:18

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes;
and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow,

nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain:
for the former things are passed away.
Revelation 21.4

I am trading my sorrow

I am trading my pain

I am laying them down for the

JOY OF THE LORD

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