"Dude . . ." & memories

We are still slowly working on the bathroom downstairs. Last night I went through more of Matthew’s things in his bedroom. He was a sentimental person who kept everything, from the little weights that went on the bottom of the balloons we let go on Angela’s birthday, to all the ribbons from Awana and summer Bible Blast (vacation Bible school). He had pictures too he kept, many of his little sisters, and little notes he had written, including one to God for Angela. I see so much more his caring heart as I go through these things.

He also had this picture, one of his bed. As of this date, we have not taken his bed down yet. Oh, that will be a heart wrenching thing. Another finality. In this picture it shows his shelf which he put up himself. He loved caps, and wanted to display those. His collection of the State Quarters is on the one board. He picked out that print for his pillowcase which I made him. To only be able to go to that bed and pull the covers back and wake him up – just one more time.

He taught Bethany (now 19 months) to call him "Dude". Once when we visited him at the store he worked at, and she all of a sudden caught sight of him, she ran up to him saying "Dude!" I could see the delight on Matthew’s face. I was just told that a week or so before Matthew died, one of the girls took Bethany down to wake up Matthew. They set her up on his bed, she pulled back the covers and quietly said, "Dude? Dude?". He woke up, with a big smile and said "DUDE!" back. Every once and while now, Bethany will put her hands out and say "Dude?" - like where did he go. He is in heaven and we will see him in a moment, compared to eternity.

Please continue praying for our nights. Even with taking something to help me sleep, it takes me hours to fall asleep, and several of the children are having a hard time sleeping as well. Last night I started screaming Matthew's name while I was dreaming. Most of the kids came running into the bedroom. I guess it shook up everyone. Norm did not even want to go to work. So much of this yet does not seem real, that he is really gone - and we will wake up and find things back to "normal".

~~Loni