Taxes, Bills, Sleep & Dreams

A couple of things have hit us again, which we weren't prepared for. We had to take care of Matthew's taxes. Extra paperwork had to be filled out since he died, and so Norm would get the return. Matthew would have been so excited to get the $100+ back. (A typical boy, he would have had it spent before he got it, or would have a hundred different ways to spend before he got it, and mom and dad would have been nagging him to SAVE it). Now instead, we will probably put it towards his gravestone. It's just makes the tears come again.

We are getting bills in from the day he died. The ambulance company, the hospital and then for x-rays. Today I had to make another call and give the insurance information, and also make sure that the x-ray was not read by someone days later, as he was gone. The lady was taken back by the death of our son, and was very sympathetic and said "just send the death certificate" and they'd make sure we would not get any more medical bills from them. But, we don't just want to show anyone his death certificate either without the understanding of how he died. Ohhhh....this stuff is still so hard.

I am finally sleeping better and not taking the sleeping pills anymore either. That is a good relief, and how thankful I am for peaceful sleep.

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Benjamin, our 11 year old that found Matthew, is such a tender hearted boy. I wonder what God has in store for him. He has not been angry or bitter at what has happened. He still will say he is so thankful that neither Norm or I found Matthew, that we may have had a heartattack and died too. He says it would have been way to hard on his sisters. He is giving us more details of when he first found him, and it crushes my heart. He even said how he looked, turned away and pinched himself and then looked again and realized this was real. Oh, those images that I cannot even quite fathom in my mind. But then, he is having such sweet dreams that God is allowing him to have. He is having dreams of Matthew talking to him. The other day he said he had a dream that he went into the furnance room and saw Matthew putting wood in the furnance and he asked him what he is doing, and he said, just taking care of the family. Benjamin said he asked what everyone has been doing since he was gone, and Benjamin told him. Then Matthew told him too that he was sorry that he did something so dumb, and he really didn't mean to die, and they hugged. Benjamin said the dream was so real, and asked me if it could have been real! I am so thankful God is allowing these healing dreams.

~~Loni