Location: MICHIGAN, United States

Thank you for stopping by. It's my hope you find glimpses of my Savior interwoven thru my writings. I am the wife to one husband for over 25 years, a blessed mama to a dozen children, yes each born from me ~ two of which see Jesus face to face & ten at home, all of us yearning to see Jesus someday. We have been home educating for over 18 years with . . . well, another 15 years to go (the youngest is 3, the oldest 23!) I have walked through rejection, to continually learning I am CALLED, LOVED and forever KEPT by God - never, ever to be rejected by Jesus! (Jude 1:1) I've walked through deep sorrow to find that joy does come again, though the night may be long; I've witnessed God orchestrating miracles with my children still beyond my comprehension, & I am seeing new love forming as we begin a new road of older children finding life mates. My life has and is a journey, from the deepest, almost rock bottom pit, to stumbling through my faith and looking towards the ultimate climax of everlasting life in heaven. Will you be joining me here and there? ~ Loni

Saturday, January 22, 2005

A day of many emotions

I thought I'd write this morning so if people read this throughout the day, they will pray for us. Today is our Angela Hope's birth/death date. She was stillborn 7 years ago today. We usually go to the cemetery and let balloons go and sing happy birthday. But we got quite a bit of snow last night and a lot of drifting, and then our snowblower broke down, so as I am writing this, Norm is trying to fix it. Norm was not sure about going to the cemetery today anyway because the younger ones (Jessica on down) did not go to the burial with Matthew, and just don't know if they are up to this yet. Being too that the cemetery is rural, I doubt the roads are even plowed. So, we probably won't do that today. But it is a day once again of reflections - Angela is 7 years old in heaven, and Matthew now has been gone 6 weeks today. It's hard to believe.

Today too, we are going to try to go to some friend's house and while we are gone other friends and our Pastor & his family are going to come over and get Matthew's bed out. I mentioned before how this has just been too hard for us to do, yet even knowing it's going to be done, is quite emotional. So, if you read this through the day, pray for us - and for our friends who are so gracious to help in this big task for us.

Many have also asked how Norm is doing. He's a strong man, but he often speaks of the different things he wishes he would have done. Don't we all do that when we go through something difficult such as we are with losing Matthew. He never went hunting with him this fall. He wished he had talked to him more about personal things - we have talked to our children over the years about purity and waiting for marriage, and though we never knew what Matthew dealt, that there was even such a thing, we both wonder what we could have done differently. The hardest part that brings the memories and emotions to Norm is music. Matthew loved Christian music, and Norm has been listening to a lot of his CD's. When a song comes on the radio in the car, he just recently told me that this is when he often will break down in the car. The other continual memory for him is when he comes home from work each day. The day Matthew died, he came home from work to the children running down the driveway frantically screaming that Matthew was dead. This is his vision that is so hard to escape from. So, whenever he comes home from work, he says coming up the driveway is still so hard.

Well, I better finish up here, so the children are all ready to go when Norm is finished with plowing the driveway (he did get the snowblower fixed). Thank you for caring & praying.


PS - One of my girls told me Katie (3) got all excited. She looked outside and thought Matthew was snowplowing the driveway. Norm is wearing one of Matthew's coats that is heavier. :'(


Blogger Luke's Mom said...

Hi Loni & Family,

My heart continues to break for your family and all that you've had to experience these last few weeks. I know a little bit of what Norm is talking about when he says he wishes he would of done things differently. Regrets are the hardest thing to deal with for me some days. I know when I'm thinking why did I just not take down that pool down. Though I know without a shadow of a doubt that God has used Luke's accident to bring glory to His name it does not make it any easier for me. Oh well, I hope that you understand that I share this with you to let you know that I understand just a little bit of the pain of regret that you are experiencing though it may be completely different circumstances, it is still so real.

Today I'm praying that God will give you all the grace and comfort to make it through this day. I'm also praying for the sweet people who have volunteered to come over today and help take out Matthews bed, that God will pour out a special blessing on them. I pray that Stephen and Jayson are feeling better physically.

Love in Christ,
Sue Searles

P.S. Thank you for sharing this blog with us it helps us to know better how to keep your family in our prayers.

1/22/2005 2:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Loni,
I am praying for you today. I remember you writing me for the first time last year when I posted on the quiverful about my friend Polly dieing. You wrote and told me about Angela Hope and how you read my post and was crying. I am praying for you THIS YEAR, THIS DAY...
My heart hurts as I read about Norm, and your precious 3 year old... I know this is so small to what you are going through but whenever I see a black suburban I think "oh there is Polly".... our memories/minds just do that. I am also praying for you today as your wonderful friends are coming to help you out. May it help in some way to know others are praying and lifting you up to the Lord.
with love,
mom to 1/2 dozen

1/22/2005 9:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello. I come here about once a week to check up on you. I am from the QF Digest. My heart goes out to you and I get weepy every time I read what you are going through. Upon reading this post I realized that your Angela's birthday into Heaven was 5 days less then a year before our Cainan's birthday into Heaven. What a beautiful picture of grace! To be born into eternal life without any of the struggles of sin that our other children have to face!
I have no words to help you in your loss.. only prayers... May the Comforter be with you.. and I have faith that he will be!!
Sarah Talo from Ironwood, Michigan.

1/27/2005 5:16 AM  

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