A day of many emotions

I thought I'd write this morning so if people read this throughout the day, they will pray for us. Today is our Angela Hope's birth/death date. She was stillborn 7 years ago today. We usually go to the cemetery and let balloons go and sing happy birthday. But we got quite a bit of snow last night and a lot of drifting, and then our snowblower broke down, so as I am writing this, Norm is trying to fix it. Norm was not sure about going to the cemetery today anyway because the younger ones (Jessica on down) did not go to the burial with Matthew, and just don't know if they are up to this yet. Being too that the cemetery is rural, I doubt the roads are even plowed. So, we probably won't do that today. But it is a day once again of reflections - Angela is 7 years old in heaven, and Matthew now has been gone 6 weeks today. It's hard to believe.

Today too, we are going to try to go to some friend's house and while we are gone other friends and our Pastor & his family are going to come over and get Matthew's bed out. I mentioned before how this has just been too hard for us to do, yet even knowing it's going to be done, is quite emotional. So, if you read this through the day, pray for us - and for our friends who are so gracious to help in this big task for us.

Many have also asked how Norm is doing. He's a strong man, but he often speaks of the different things he wishes he would have done. Don't we all do that when we go through something difficult such as we are with losing Matthew. He never went hunting with him this fall. He wished he had talked to him more about personal things - we have talked to our children over the years about purity and waiting for marriage, and though we never knew what Matthew dealt, that there was even such a thing, we both wonder what we could have done differently. The hardest part that brings the memories and emotions to Norm is music. Matthew loved Christian music, and Norm has been listening to a lot of his CD's. When a song comes on the radio in the car, he just recently told me that this is when he often will break down in the car. The other continual memory for him is when he comes home from work each day. The day Matthew died, he came home from work to the children running down the driveway frantically screaming that Matthew was dead. This is his vision that is so hard to escape from. So, whenever he comes home from work, he says coming up the driveway is still so hard.

Well, I better finish up here, so the children are all ready to go when Norm is finished with plowing the driveway (he did get the snowblower fixed). Thank you for caring & praying.

~~Loni

PS - One of my girls told me Katie (3) got all excited. She looked outside and thought Matthew was snowplowing the driveway. Norm is wearing one of Matthew's coats that is heavier. :'(