Name:
Location: MICHIGAN, United States

Thank you for stopping by. It's my hope you find glimpses of my Savior interwoven thru my writings. I am the wife to one husband for over 25 years, a blessed mama to a dozen children, yes each born from me ~ two of which see Jesus face to face & ten at home, all of us yearning to see Jesus someday. We have been home educating for over 18 years with . . . well, another 15 years to go (the youngest is 3, the oldest 23!) I have walked through rejection, to continually learning I am CALLED, LOVED and forever KEPT by God - never, ever to be rejected by Jesus! (Jude 1:1) I've walked through deep sorrow to find that joy does come again, though the night may be long; I've witnessed God orchestrating miracles with my children still beyond my comprehension, & I am seeing new love forming as we begin a new road of older children finding life mates. My life has and is a journey, from the deepest, almost rock bottom pit, to stumbling through my faith and looking towards the ultimate climax of everlasting life in heaven. Will you be joining me here and there? ~ Loni

Saturday, April 02, 2005

16 Weeks - Baby forgot his name

Tonight the kids were showing Bethany ("baby", 23 months) the individual pictures we have up of all the kids in our hallway. She could name them all - but Matthew. She just would be silent, and stare. Then the kids told her his name, and when she'd get to his picture again, she did say "Mash-u" in a whisper. The kids brought her to me, with one of Matthew's pictures, to show me. I think it bothered them too. She looked at his picture, and then at me, like she had confussion about it. I said "Matthew - he went bye-bye". She said "bye-bye" - and then said his name in a whisper. Kind of stabbed at the heart tonight. She won't remember him herself - just through our memories and showing her pictures. He adored her. This is when the ache really comes back.

I "met" a new friend today, a woman that has been e-mailing me that lives in the area that heard about Matthew. When Matthew was working at the variety store, he waited on her several times, and then she heard about him, and we've "talked" through e-mails. She lost a daughter in a car accident several years ago. Today Norm & I were at GoodWill, and a lady came up to me and asked me my name. I told her and she said she thought so, and told me her name. We immediately gave each other a hug. We share some of different things we are going through. She was kind and asked each Norm & I how we are doing. She has an empty home, and I am sure her days have been very difficult in the quietness, and so have appreciated her encouraging e-mails. She said she reads this blog too - I am glad I finally got to meet you, Linda. {{{ hugs }}}

Stephen got the engine out of the "crashed" truck and was able to finally move the truck into the back area of our property so we don't have the continual reminder of the accident, which seems to just associate with that 5 week period of time with Matthew's death and the truck accident. He has next week off from his auto class, but after that he can take his "new truck" into class with the engine and work on it there with all the tools the class has. I am so thankful he is able to keep busy. He is going to be 18 on April 8th. Hard for me to believe!

We lose an hour of sleep tonight with Daylight Savings, so I really should end this now, before my ramblings continue on and on!

3 Comments:

Blogger Jeff H said...

I continue to be moved by your openness concerning your loss and the heartaches associated with Matthew's passing.

I think the "baby" will grow to know Matthew in a very special way, through the rest of the family's love of him.

4/03/2005 12:23 PM  
Blogger Teena said...

Oh, Loni, I cried as I read about Bethany~ I remember when you told us about "Dude" and now whenever we say or hear that word Mandi(16) and I think of Matthew & Bethany. I remember all the things you said about them~ and how she did right afterwards. My heart aches as I have little ones~ our Wesley is 20 he is our youngest. Our Wyatt is 3.
They so love the older ones~ I know you will keep telling Bethany about Matthew and as Jeff said she will KNOW him in a very special way~ I truly believe that.

I guess I am rambling~
I am so glad you met one of your friends from email & here. I so wish we could meet. You have been such a great inspiration to me~ not JUST through this blog & Matthew but through your site and all.
My friend who I bought the bracelet for last year ... celebrated the 1 yr anniversary of her 33 wk baby being with Jesus~ (remember Leslie?) it was hard on her. You helped me know how to minister to her so much. I will always be grateful.

Thank you for sharing and we are praying~
blessings,
Teena wife to Billy
mom to 1/2 dozen

4/09/2005 12:59 PM  
Blogger Teena said...

Oh, Loni, I cried as I read about Bethany~ I remember when you told us about "Dude" and now whenever we say or hear that word Mandi(16) and I think of Matthew & Bethany. I remember all the things you said about them~ and how she did right afterwards. My heart aches as I have little ones~ our Wesley is 20 months he is our youngest. Our Wyatt is 3.
They so love the older ones~ I know you will keep telling Bethany about Matthew and as Jeff said she will KNOW him in a very special way~ I truly believe that.

I guess I am rambling~
I am so glad you met one of your friends from email & here. I so wish we could meet. You have been such a great inspiration to me~ not JUST through this blog & Matthew but through your site and all.
My friend who I bought the bracelet for last year ... celebrated the 1 yr anniversary of her 33 wk baby being with Jesus~ (remember Leslie?) it was hard on her. You helped me know how to minister to her so much. I will always be grateful.

Thank you for sharing and we are praying~
blessings,
Teena wife to Billy
mom to 1/2 dozen

4/09/2005 1:02 PM  

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