Location: MICHIGAN, United States

Thank you for stopping by. It's my hope you find glimpses of my Savior interwoven thru my writings. I am the wife to one husband for over 25 years, a blessed mama to a dozen children, yes each born from me ~ two of which see Jesus face to face & ten at home, all of us yearning to see Jesus someday. We have been home educating for over 18 years with . . . well, another 15 years to go (the youngest is 3, the oldest 23!) I have walked through rejection, to continually learning I am CALLED, LOVED and forever KEPT by God - never, ever to be rejected by Jesus! (Jude 1:1) I've walked through deep sorrow to find that joy does come again, though the night may be long; I've witnessed God orchestrating miracles with my children still beyond my comprehension, & I am seeing new love forming as we begin a new road of older children finding life mates. My life has and is a journey, from the deepest, almost rock bottom pit, to stumbling through my faith and looking towards the ultimate climax of everlasting life in heaven. Will you be joining me here and there? ~ Loni

Monday, March 21, 2005

Revive Me!

It's been several days since I've had a chance to update. Just general life with our busy family keeps us on the go. It finally seems like we are over the hump of the sick children - just a few sniffles and coughs left. We are ready for spring. It's "suppose" to reach in the low 40's for the coming days, which will be welcomed.

Saturday was 14 weeks since Matthew's death. We kept busy with things around the house. A man from church came and helped Norm with more of the drywalling in the afternoon. We hope to start painting the bathroom within the next few days. Saturday late afternoon we took the girls shopping. Each of us were blessed with a Target Gift Card from a special friend. Being we still do not have a big family van, we just took the girls, and will have a time out with the boys later. They had fun looking around, and we mainly encouraged them to get things they need. We were able to get a mirror too for our bathroom. Afterwards we took the girls to Baskin Robbins for an icecream treat - which was also part of their gift, and what a nice treat! It was late by the time we got home, but the icecream kept them awake with lots of silly giggling. :)

Yet, later, Jessica again said, how much fun Matthew would have had, and how excited he would have been. There's always that little lump in our throats. Even Norm said as he was looking around Target, the material things just have lost so much value as we see things so much more eternal - a hard way of being reminded in going through a death.

We were so concerned with Jayson & Benjamin who found Matthew and appear to be healing normally and well (still with tears, and reminders and a long ways to go). Right now we are more concerned about Jessica (8), because she seems to blame herself. She saw Matthew after he got up "that morning" as she refers to it, and greeted him and he did not reply. She keeps saying she wishes she would have talked to him more and maybe "woke him up better". When we first started to look for him, she was the first to knock on the bathroom door, and not get a response, but she just thought she was being "typically" ignored. She keeps telling us she wishes she would have done something sooner. We try to tell her over and over it is not her fault, and that it was Matthew's foolishness, and he certainly would feel terrible if he knew she was taking on any blame. So, specifically pray that Jessica would have more of a peace about this, and that she would give this over to the Lord. She has such a tender heart, and misses him dearly. They had a special bond. After Jessica's heart surgeries 7 years ago, Matthew spent a lot of time by her bedside, talking to her and reading to her. Through the years he would give her special presents - maybe thinking "her" time was limited. She often talks about our last Thanksgiving when Matthew played with her and picked her up and swung her around. It just hurts Norm & I terribly to see her carry such a burden on her little shoulders and heart, and we are praying for a healing & peace for her.

Sunday was a harder day. It was always such a family day, and we had more of a low that day, and dealing with emotions. Below are some verses that encouraged me, that I will end this post in.

Today though we were encouraged with a visit from Norm's brother Brian and SIL Paula. They brought our kids a big cake and sandwiches and took Norm & I out for lunch. It was nice to visit with them and have that encouragement. The kids were thrilled too when a big box arrived in the mail with beautiful new "Easter clothes" for each of them from grandparents. They had fun dressing up today. Norm & I went to our individual men's/ladies Bible study at church which was good. I am so thankful for the fellowship in our church and the accountability that is given.

Thank you again for the encouraging notes & comments. Here now is part of Psalm 119 that really encouraged me.

Psalm 119:145-160; 167, 168
145 I cried with all my heart; answer me, O LORD! I will observe Your statutes.
146 I cried to You; save me And I shall keep Your testimonies.
147 I rise before dawn and cry for help; I wait for Your words.
148 My eyes anticipate the night watches, That I may meditate on Your word.
149 Hear my voice according to Your lovingkindness; Revive me, O LORD, according to Your ordinances.
150 Those who follow after wickedness draw near; They are far from Your law.
151 You are near, O LORD, And all Your commandments are truth.
152 Of old I have known from Your testimonies That You have founded them forever.
153 Look upon my affliction and rescue me, For I do not forget Your law.
154 Plead my cause and redeem me; Revive me according to Your word.
155 Salvation is far from the wicked, For they do not seek Your statutes.
156 Great are Your mercies, O LORD; Revive me according to Your ordinances.
157 Many are my persecutors and my adversaries, Yet I do not turn aside from Your testimonies.
158 I behold the treacherous and loathe them, Because they do not keep Your word.
159 Consider how I love Your precepts; Revive me, O LORD, according to Your lovingkindness.
160 The sum of Your word is truth, And every one of Your righteous ordinances is everlasting.
167 My soul keeps Your testimonies, And I love them exceedingly.
168 I keep Your precepts and Your testimonies, For all my ways are before You.


Blogger Teena said...

Dear Loni, I missed this post and have just now seen it.... I cried as I sat here reading. I am praying for Jessica. I think about all of you and how life just moves on whether we want it to or not...
after Polly died (my friend 31) it bothered me so that everyone just WENT ON... I know that truly is what we do b/c what else can we do.
But, I want you to know that I still think of all of you~ and pray for all of you. It is wonderful about the Easter clothes and I know the girls were so excited. The love of others reaching out is what touches us ....
May the RISEN Savior comfort and give you (and your family, especially Jessica) peace~
Teena wife to Billy 24 yrs
mom to Michael 19, Mandi 16, Dakota 12, Alyssa 7, Wyatt 3 & Wesley 20 months

3/26/2005 9:19 AM  

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