In Memory of my mom

(I found this in my draft file, and realized I never posted it, but want to keep it in by date, because of the significance of this date).

My mom died one year ago today. It was not the bittersweet good-bye I had hoped it would be. I only knew moments before she died that she was near death, and when I called the hospital, she was already gone. My dad had a private burial, and there was a memorial service five days later. There's been an estrangement on my side of the family for many years. It's been a difficult situation, on both sides, in different ways. By my parents choice, they have only "met" a few of our children. But we did go to the memorial service, with several of our children, including Matthew. My dad shook his hand, remarked about his firm handshake, and how tall he was. I am so thankful he got to meet him. Matthew trying to relate to him, even said days later, he wishes he could just show up at his door, and say, "I am your grandson, and I am here to help you." He thought maybe he could get through the years of hardness. Knowing the years of waiting I've gone through, we did not want him hurt either. Little did we know that Matthew would also be gone, less than a year later. God uniquely allowed for this short greeting. I am thankful.

My dad called a few weeks after Matthew died. It was the first call in many, many years. Though it was short, he called. He understood with me the pain of death. To preserve my family and not to "gossip" and share "one side" of the story, I will leave it there. But if you read this, please pray for my dad, and sister. As I told my dad numerous times, God didn't give up on me, or us, and neither will I give up on reconcilliation. I know God would want it, and I know if my mom could come back, she'd want it too. Kind of strange thinking Matthew is with my mom now.

If you have read through many of my posts you know how music touches me, and God so often speaks to me through music. This song from Selah I heard for the first time on our ride home after my mom's memorial service. Again, GOD'S PERFECT TIMING. It really touched me. The parts in bold just bring me to awe of God. Just to know His thoughts of each of us are neverending. And when I hear the part of "I think I glimpse eternity", it just makes me shiver, to think of Matthew and my mom meeting - and to know my mom does love me, forgive me and all is made right. That's wow - awe. . . And despite all the struggles of life, GOD will raise us with HIS strength - not our own.

You Raise Me Up - by Selah

When I am down, and oh my soul, so weary,
when troubles come and my heart burdened be.
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
until You come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains.
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas.
I am strong, when I am on Your shoulders.
You raise me up to more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains.
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas.
I am strong, when I am on Your shoulders.
You raise me up to more than I can be.

There is no life, no life without its hunger,
each restless heart beats so imperfectly.
But when You come and I am filled with wonder,
sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains.
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas.
I am strong, when I am on Your shoulders.
You raise me up to more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains.
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas.
I am strong, when I am on Your shoulders.
You raise me up, to more than I can be.

I love you mom . . .walk the golden streets with Matthew, Angela and Grandpa.
I think "I glimpse eternity" when I think of the days we all will be reunited.