Location: MICHIGAN, United States

Thank you for stopping by. It's my hope you find glimpses of my Savior interwoven thru my writings. I am the wife to one husband for over 25 years, a blessed mama to a dozen children, yes each born from me ~ two of which see Jesus face to face & ten at home, all of us yearning to see Jesus someday. We have been home educating for over 18 years with . . . well, another 15 years to go (the youngest is 3, the oldest 23!) I have walked through rejection, to continually learning I am CALLED, LOVED and forever KEPT by God - never, ever to be rejected by Jesus! (Jude 1:1) I've walked through deep sorrow to find that joy does come again, though the night may be long; I've witnessed God orchestrating miracles with my children still beyond my comprehension, & I am seeing new love forming as we begin a new road of older children finding life mates. My life has and is a journey, from the deepest, almost rock bottom pit, to stumbling through my faith and looking towards the ultimate climax of everlasting life in heaven. Will you be joining me here and there? ~ Loni

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Ten Months - Update

I just read recently in an excellent book, Harsh Grief Gentle Hope, that I will review later,"Widow describes the loss of a spouse; orphan defines the loss of mother and father; but when bereaved parents need to tell of their suffering, no single word carries the painful message."

What word is there to describe for parents and siblings for their loss of a child and brother? To the average person who sees our children and asks how many children we have, or to our children, how many brothers and sisters they have, what is the answer? So, it's some of these things, that daily, we still go through, that brings back the sting of death.

We wonder how much our little children will remember Matthew. Bethany (2 1/2)recognizes his picture. For awhile she would not say his name, but I think the kids have reinforced in her mind about him, and so she picks him out and will name him in our family pictures. A week or so ago, we were grocery shopping and were in the candy aisle. Melody (5) suddenly pointed out some pumpkin marshmallow type candy and immediately remembered that Matthew had given her some of that, probably about a year ago at this time. He'd bring home from work, bags of candy that got a hole in it or was outdated. Melody broke down in the aisle, just sobbing over missing her brother. She was dearly loved by him. Katie still wants her "Matthew pillow" every night - which was a pillow I had made for Matthew when he was young with an airplane on it. I had also made him a matching quilt with airplane squares on it.

School has been going pretty well and we are getting into more of a schedule. We have had sick children off and on for the last two weeks. It seems one thing after the next, but maybe we will be healthier through the winter by getting it all overwith early!?!?!?!

Norm did not get the job at the local tool & die shop. We were both disappointed. There was another major bankruptcy of a main Michigan business, Delphi Corp., that gives work to many tool & die shops, and we know this is going to make it even tougher for this industry. It's much slower with our home business once the cool weather hits as lawns aren't being mowed, and people don't want to think of house training a puppy in snow! So, pray for us as decisions have to be made, and for God to show what direction to go again, at this time.

I got the nicest e-mail from a mom who has also gone through the loss of a son, and she took Matthew's picture and made it into a banner that can be used for a link back to Matthew's Memorial page. I love the way she did it. I had to downsize it to fit on this blog page, but if you click it it will go to the memorial page, with the full size picture of it.

This gal also has a webpage in memory of teens who have died. She has added the above banner to this. This will be another opportunity to share Matthew's life, his testimony of his personal faith in Jesus Christ, and also a warning of the choking game. By visiting this banner below, and then clicking the top link to "vote" for this banner, it will bring more hits on her webpage and in time, more viewers on Matthew's memorial webpage.

Clicking the above Teen Angels would be appreciated to bring awareness.

Thank you for your continued prayers and e-mail encouragements. It's one day at a time. I like the way the gal who has the Teens Angels website put it:

Grief is not a sign or weakness, nor a lack of faith; it is the price of love.

Yes, our grief is worth having had him, having loved him, having held him, and losing him, than not having him at all. And along with the hymn writer, Esther K. Rusthoi, we can say,

"It will be worth it all, when we see Jesus, one glimpse of His dear face, all sorrow will erase. . ."


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