More meltdowns . . .

Continue praying for our children. We all have so much to go through, and so much triggers memories, and then the reality of Matthew's death - and the visuals we are all dealing with. Yesterday, Heather (13) fell apart because her CD player had broke several days ago. She was upset because she could not have Matthew's and we had already given it to another child. Getting to the bottom of the real reason for her being upset, was because she could not fall asleep well without it, and so she was thinking so much of Matthew. We were able to get her another portable CD player last night. Prayfully it will help towards healing.

Jessica also broke down greatly last night. She had been playing a game with the children, and lost. I had never seen her get so upset over losing! Our first thoughts, was she was pretty spoiled, and we need to nip this! But in talking to her at great length, she was remembering all the times as a family we had played games, and she just again, missed Matthew being a part of it. She was sobbing and so broken. She said too, sometimes when she played a game Matthew, he'd let her win. She was remembering the tender parts of him. (NOT that the children should all let her win the game!!). She asked too when "all this bad stuff was going to stop". It just seems like so much for our children to go through. Many adults don't go through all this - and it hurts us greatly to see our children so hurt by it all. Jessica was in a much better mood this morning, but we know each day we are all dealing with different things, and probably another child or two, will really break down each day, as we work through this. We won't be "over" this in a matter of months.


Someone asked us about our "needs" page and what maybe the children would need for healing, and so we have added to that on our page. The children love stories on CD or tapes - such as Adventures in Oddessy and Mark Lowry tapes, Vision Forum and Lamplighter books and Christian music. Being they do have a lot, it is best to e-mail us to make sure they do not have something. But we appreciate those that are so concerned about the children and what they need too for healing.

Yesterday we went to the post office to check our PO Box, which we had not done in almost a week. We had numerous cards and letters. Just a BIG thank you if you sent one. It means so much. You will never know how much a simple card or note, just knowing someone else is praying, means so much. Our children look at them too, and it's just been an encouragement to us all.

We naturally have the question "why" Matthew did something foolish to cause his death. It's probably something we will always ask. But, we know without a doubt Matthew deeply loved the Lord - he made a foolish mistake like we all do. He wanted to pattern his life after his Great Grandpa Berg, who was a wonderful man of God - a great prayer warrior, picketed abortion clinics til shortly before his death, and was the "candy man". Matthew was tall and lean like Grandpa Berg. The Wednesday before Matthew died, he handed out candy to the kids at church. He was starting early - little did we know it was the only time. So, when we think of these events, we hear from people what an impact his life had on them, we wonder why all this had to happen. Lately we have been getting e-mails from parents thanking us for sharing what happened to Matthew. Like us, they had no clue of this dangerous thing kids are doing. A note was also just left on our guestbook. So, if one child is prevented from doing this, it sure helps us too in our minds. We have close to 3,000 hits on Matthew's Memorial page, and if it leads one person to find out more about Who Matthew now stands in the presence of, and comes to know the Lord, "it will be worth it all, when we see Jesus..."

But for now, we do grieve emmensely. We thank you for your continued prayers fo rour family.

~~Loni